Jackie vs The MarySue
by Ailia Sparrowhawk
Summary: When Jackie Andrews unwittingly releases a Mary-Sue into the FMA world, she has to go after her to make sure she doesn't mess up the whole series. But all is not as it seems, and Mary has bigger plans than Jackie could ever imagine...
1. Chapter 1

I opened my eyes wearily, swinging my hand around to find the ringing of my alarm clock. There was nothing more I wanted to do than to curl up back under my covers and go back to sleep, but the stupid school law won't let me do that. Hypocrites.

I stretched slowly trying to wake myself up. While I was doing this, I saw a fitter of movement out of the corner of my eye, and a bird landed on a branch. I was going it ignore it, but then it opened its mouth.

Whatever my dad was thinking when he said that morning was the greatest part of the day, cause you could hear the birds sing, was probably the result of caffeine reduction. This bird didn't sound like a bird at all, it sounded like a cat being dropped off the Empire State Building, and the sound it would make.

I let my ears be abused for about five more minutes, and then I snaped. Flingning the window open, I grabbed a rock and threw it at the bird.

I'm pretty sure that I hit it.

I slowly got out of bed, with the same amount of grace as a drunken elephant. I tripped over my own feet, and in the process of doing so, hit my head against the wall.

Slick. Really.

After I had showered, I tried once again to do something with my horrible tangled, dull, black hair. After about five minutes of fighting with my hair, in which nothing was accomplished, I gave up and pulled my hair into its usual messy ponytail.

I sighed and examined myself into the mirror. As per usual, my mocha skin was clear everywhere except my nose. That was the one place I couldn't keep the pimples off.

Oh well. I left the bathroom and quickly pulled on jeans and one of my only nice shirts.

Once I had gotten dressed I slowly came downstairs, and made a beeline for the coffee. Mom always said that if there was no such thing as coffee, I would never get out of bed.

She was probably right.

I didn't even take the time to get a cup, I just picked up the pot and started to drink the thing whole. I had probably chugged about half the thing, when I chocked and spilled coffee all over my clothes.

I almost screamed, since the coffee was boiling hot. I looked down desperately at my clothes. The jeans where alright, but my shirt- _**the nicest best-looking shirt that I had**_- was ruined.

I ran upstairs and changed into a sweatshirt, then ran downstairs. So much for looking nice today. I quickly changed, grabbed my stuff, and ran out the door.

Since I lived right next to the high school, it only took me five seconds to walk to the school grounds. As soon as I got there, I was greeted by my best friend, Rachel.

"Hi Jackie!" She called to me. Despite being always picked on, she always looked happy and perky. That was one thing I loved about her.

"Hey Rach." I called back. I suddenly let out a mouth-spitting yawn.

"Did you stay up late watching Fullmetal Alchemist again?" Rachel asked her voice full of chagrin.

I almost laughed out loud at the look she was giving me. "Guilty." I pleaded. "But I can't help it if it's the best series on the planet."

Rachel snorted. "If I didn't know better I'd say you where turning into a fangirl."

"I am not a fangirl." I growled through my teeth. "I don't own every episode of FMA, I don't scream when I see an Envy cosplay, and I am not in love with "Edo-Kun."" I said, making sure the last two words were full of sarcasm. If there was one thing I couldn't stand, it was being called a fangirl.

"Sheesh, Jackie, I just asked a question, you don't need to bit my head off." Rachel replied. I was about to say something more when the bell rang, and I ran to class.

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"Bye Rach." I called as I started home. I was anxious to get home to write a new fanfiction. I just didn't know what to write.

Then, inspiration hit me. A Mary-Sue parody! Nothing got on my nerves more than a Mary-Sue. And since I got a D-freaking-minus on my math, what better way to let go of that frustration than Mary-Sue bashing? MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!

Yes I'm evil. Why do you ask?

I whipped out my paper and clicked the pen, ready to make the most perfectly terrible Mary-Sue of all time. "Step one… horribly long complicated name." I muttered to myself. "It should be… Aurora…Xena…Azorath… Bloodstone. That's it. Aurora Xena Azorath Bloodstone." The name was so Mary-Sue that I wanted to throw-up right then and there. That was a good sign however, since I wanted this Mary-Sue to be epically awful.

Then, I suddenly noticed that it was suddenly dark, and my house was nowhere in sight. I looked around, only to see that I was lost in some forest.

"Oh great job Jackie. Thanks to your musing over fictional characters, you got yourself lost and now Mom and Dad are going to throw a fit. Lovely." I said sarcastically. I looked around.

"Well, I guess the only thing to do is to try to retrace your set-"

"KABOOM!"

I nearly screamed as a crack of thunder scared the tobacco juice out of me. Rain started pouring for every direction.

"AH, DARN IT! I SWEAR, THE KARMA GODS HAVE IT OUT FOR ME!"

I ran to find some shelter under the trees. I finally found some sort of burrow in the undergrowth. After checking to make sure that there were no angry mama bears around, I hunker down.

I think the storm had been going on for half an hour when I got seriously bored. I idly drew a transmutation circle on a piece of paper. Since the paper in which I had written the Mary-Sue on was my only sheet left, I drew it on that.

Finally, after an hour, I couldn't take it anymore. I grabbed my stuff and started making a mad dash out of the forest.

I had got ten around thirty feet when I saw a bright flash of light right in front of me. Too late I realized what it was.

I shirked in pain as lightening soared tooth my body. It was so powerful that I could even see my own bones. Then my vision became black.

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I opened my eyes to see never-ending white. Panicked, I shot to my feet looking around. Then, I saw something that I thought was a work of pure fiction.

The gate.

I backed up, muttering something that probably sounded like "What…the…!#$..." Then the gate slowly opened, and the weird arm-things pulled me in, and I was catapulted into the unknown.

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**So what do you think? I know that it seems like a "girl falls into FMA world fic", but trust me, there's much more than it look like!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Reviews: Wow. The all great and powerful Zilo Sugarpill has reviewed my story. The blessed author of The Switch Glitch, and TSG: the movie. Whoa.**

**Maybe this is a good omen, huh?**

**And you can still write that story that you had in mind. It's not really copying since you didn't follow me or anything. Just and a part where you say that you're not copying me, you had this idea separately. I won't mind!**

**And guys- please read my very best friend, Sbarclotaku, story. It's awesome!**

**Now, chapter!**

I groaned as I opened my eyes. Since I didn't hear anything out of the normal, I assumed that the events of last night where a dream, and I sighed in relief.

That is, until I opened my eyes to see a gun staring me right in the face.

" Ga-HAAA!" I screamed, and shot to my feet. I looked around and made a brief assessment of the situation.

Scary Riza with gun-check.

Colonel Mustang ready to burn me to kingdom come-check.

The rest of the military guys ready to tackle me if I move so much as one step-check.

"What the- how did- what' going-"I muttered oh so coherently.

"Don't move." Mustang commanded. As if I was going to.

"What's going on? Why is everyone pointing their big scary weapons of mass destruction at me?!?" I shouted. This was **not** how it worked in the fan fictions.

"Military precaution M'am. You're under stupition of being an suspect in a murder case." Hawkeye replied casually. Of course, she didn't lower the gun one inch.

"Suspect… murder case…" I stammered. But why would they… **Oh.** Murder case… maybe they meant Hughes, and that I had done something that made them think that I was one of the homunculi.

Well, might as well ask up front. "What makes you think I'm one of the homunculi?"

Apparently that didn't put them at ease. Everybody's weapons went higher, and guns clicked all over. "Where did you hear that name? " Mustang roared.

"WHOA, people dude, chill out!" I yelped. "No need to get all "exterminate, exterminate" on me. Let's just chat, okay. You tell me why you think that I'm homunculi, and I'll tell you how I knew about them."

Although they looked slightly confused with my use of the term "exterminate", they cautionly agreed. "Alright then," Mustang started, at around 11:00 we received a call from someone saying that they found a girl unconscious. The side of the road, with 3rd degree burns all over her body. We went to investigate, and while we were treating you, you started muttering some things that made us suspect you."

"Huh? What did I say?" I asked.

"Well, at first you where saying things like, "No mom… five more minute," (at this I blushed beet red,) but then you started saying things like," evil homunculi," keep going Ed", and don't kill Hughes." It was almost unnoticeable, but Mustang's voice quivered in the last few words.

"Oh." Was all I could manage. I didn't know that I dreamed about FMA. Could this mean that…? NO! I CAN'T BE TURNING INTO A FANGIRL! NOOOOOO! RACHEL YOU JINKED ME! WHEN I GET MY HAND ON YOU I'LL-

"Ahem." Mustang interrupted my inner ranting. "You said that you would tell us how you knew these things if we told you why we suspected you. Keep your side of the bargain."

Hmm. If Ed finds out about the plot, I could mess up the series… I guess I'll just have to tell the others not to repeat the stuff I was about the tell them.

"Okay, but you can't tell anyone else hear this. Especially Edward Elric." I stated.

"Why not?"

"If he finds out about these things, it could mess up the path that destiny had laid for him. It is incredibly important that me doesn't find out about this." Oooo. That sounded **cool.**

"Very well."

So then I explain all that I knew about FMA, how I got here, and added a few things that made them believe that I wasn't lying. After some consideration, they decided to take me too central, and then to figure out what to do with me.

On the car ride to central, I thought about my predicament. I had fallen into the FMA world. Every fangirl's dream. Only I wasn't a fangirl, but still. It was a dream come true. Sooner or later I'll come across Ed and Al, and we'll have all sorts of adventures together and have a great time. This was gonna be fun!

So why were tears sliding down my face?


	3. Chapter 3

**Review response: Zilo Sugarpill: She got the burns from the lightning. I would think that if you got struck dead on by a bolt of lightning you would have a scratch or two.**

**Now, less talk, more read!**

The interrogation began as soon as I got to the office in central.

"How old are you?"

"Fifteen."

"Full name?"

"Jackie Samantha Andrews. Actually, my first mane is really Jacqueline, but I prefer Jackie."

"I see. Height?"

"Five- six."

"Weight?"

" … I 'm not telling."

They **said** they just wanted to make a file for me. Yeah right. Most likely they would use this information to brainwash me and take over the world.

"Now that we have your file ready," Mustang started, we need to find someone who can figure out a way to get you back home. Any volunteers?"

I could have soon that I heard crickets.

"Um, I have a suggestion?" I offered. "I think the philosopher's stone could turn me back to normal. Maybe you could just dump me with him."

I think Colonel Mustang liked this idea, 'cause as soon as I said it, his unholy evil smirk can across his face.

Just then I heard a tremendous amount of clashing and banging, and a muffled "brother, slow down," "Speak of the blond-haired devil himself." Mustang muttered.

In typical whirlwind style Ed flung the doors open, causing them to slam loudly. It was clear that he was not in a good mood.

"Another false lead Colonel Sarcasm." He stated darkly. " You had better got something good for me, cause I went through h- " His eyes fell on me. " Who's she?" He asked.

"She," Mustang said, "Is your new assignment."

He looked at me. "Please don't tell me I'm giving her alchemy lessons."

I narrowed my eyes.

Mustang smirked. "For her own reasons, she needs the philosopher's stone. So she's coming with you to search for it."

Ed glared at me. "Why do you need it?"

"That's classified, and none of your beeswax." I shot back. "Did I ask you why you needed it, or why someone who's one year older than me is in the military? I think not. So please show me the same courtesy." Even with a fictional manga character I would still speak my mind.

"Why you little-"

"She has a point brother." Al objected. For a moment I was shock. His real voice sounded nothing like the anime. His real voice was even sweeter.

"Anyway, I have one more thing for you to know, Fullmetal." Mustang said. "I'm giving you a partner to work with, to help you find the stone."

"I don't need a partner!" Ed shouted. Meanwhile, I was confused. Ed never got a partner in the anime…

"Hi Ed." A beautiful voice rang. It sounded like a thousand birds singing.

I froze. No one has a voice like that. No one… **except a Mary-Sue**.

I turned around slowly…

And there was the Sliver Rose Alchemist.

Aurora Xena Azorath Bloodstone.

The biggest Mary-Sue of all time.

**Up next: Enter Mary-Sue! What sort of fun will be had?**


	4. Chapter 4

**Note: Okay, before I began, just know that I won't be able to update after this for about two weeks. I'm going on vacation, and I won't be able to write anymore during that period of time. So don't think that I've given up on this story!**

**Now, Jackie and Mary finally meet… MWA-HA-HA!**

I stood there frozen. There was no way. It couldn't be possible. Aurora was a fictional character from my own crazy mind. It was entirely impossible.

Yet there she stood, just as I had imagined her. She was about four- eleven, so she was even shorter than Ed. Her long glossy hair came to her waist, her golden-caramel locks reminding me of bronze silk. Her eyes were golden orbs, and they were framed by long twilight lashes.

On her slim figure she wore a purple tube top with golden embroidery. Over the top she wore a silk jacket with the same embroidery. She wore tight golden pants, which should have been disgusting, but weren't. Her shoes were purple high-heeled boots.

She was even worse than what I had imagined her as.

"Whoa…" I heard Ed mutter as she walked over to him, with a grace that would have made an angel cry. He was already totally captivated by her.

Great.

"Why are you called the Sliver Rose alchemist?" Al asked. He seemed to be the only one who was capable of actual thought.

She gasped, and then looked down. Tears started to build up in her long, soft lashes. Wordlessly she peeled off her right glove, and pushed up her sleeve.

Instead of warm flesh, arm was made of cold steel. She had auto-mail.

While Ed marveled at this, I rolled my eyes.

"Her name is Aurora Xena Azorath Bloodstone." Mustang said. "She's the youngest state alchemist in history. She passed the exams at eleven."

Of course.

"She'll be helping you search for the stone." Mustang continued.

"How did you get auto-mail?" Ed asked.

She looked down at the floor, and her golden eyes were suddenly filled with pain. "My Dad left when I was really young," she explained. "Then my Mom got sick, and she died. My little brother and I tried human transmutation to bring her back. I lost my arm and leg in the processes, and my brother my everything." A signal crystal tear dripped down her check.

Now, you know, that sounds really familiar. I wonder where I heard that **exact same history before!**

That was **sarcasm** by the way.

Ed gazed at her in wonder reached for her hand. "It's okay." He whispered soothingly.

This was going too far. "WELL, I'm sure we have a long way to go before we get to the stone, so we better get going! Come on Al!" I shouted, then grabbed Al's hand and dragged him out of the room.

How exactly I managed to drag a seven foot suit of armor, I'm not sure. I had other things on my mind.

Mainly, **this is not good.**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hi guys! I'm back from vacation. It was a great vacation, but now I'm glad to be back home. For a while anyway. I'm leaving for another vacation on Friday, so I'll be gone for a week. Yes, it's a rough life** ( **snorts**).

**Now, here's the chapter you've all been waiting for!**

Here's my to-do list:

Find a way back home from the fullmetal alchemist world.

Stop Mary-Sue that is enchanting Ed.

Take a shower.

Wake up and find myself in a forest, having been knocked unconsions by lightning bolt, after having werid dreams about FMA.

Somehow I don't think any of that will happen soon.

We left the central headquarters to cacth a train to Nural, where the stone had last been spotted. Ed was with Aurora, listening to her oh-so-sad-and-angsty life story. I was with Al, rolling my eyes.

After Al and I not saying anything for about fivteen minutes, he finally decided to break the ice. " Um… Why did you come to Central?" he asked.

Uh-oh. Time to think up an excuse. " Well… I didn't really mean to come to Centrall. I just kind of found myself here." Little did he how true that really was.

" Oh. Do you have any family then?" he asked.

Yeah. Just Mom and Dad thought. I'm an only child. All my friends say I'm lucky for that, to. They all say that their siblings are the most annoying things in the world."

Al laughed quietly and the sound was strange, a child's laugh coming from a huge metal form. I raised an eyebrow, but then looked away, figuring to Al was problaby sick to death of the stares and the questions.

Al noticed my surprised look thought. " You're wondering why I wear this armor right?"

" I **was** curious," I lied, "But I figured that you were tried of the questions."

" Oh. Thank you. It's a hobby thought." He answered.

Now time to do a little sleuthing on Ms. Mary-Sue. " Have you ever heard of her before?" I asked, jerking a thumb torwards Aurora.

" No actually." Al replied. " And that's odd, because.

Al of a sudden he stopped taking, then grabbed we and jerked me to the side, just as a row of stone spike rose from the ground where I was standing.

Meep.

" What the !#$?"I swore as Alphonse wraped his arms around me as a human shilde. A nearby building blew up and I heard rubble coming raining down on Al.

" Brother!" I heard Al call. " What's going on?" Then Al released me from his protection and dragged me torwards Ed.

" I don't know!" He yelled back. " I don't…" his words faded as he looked at something behind us. I whirled around.

There, stepping torwards us was Scar.

Crap.


	6. Chapter 6

**I'M SO SORRY! I just felt so lazy that I really never got around to posting the new chapter! Holy Kokobannas! I'm sorry!**

**There. Now that I have redeemed myself, please read the chapter.**

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I stood there, paralyzed by fear and panic. Images of Scar blowing people's brains out-literarily- flashed through my mind.

Funny your nervous system completely shuts down when you need it to GOGOGO!

Thankfully, Al still kept his head. "Ms. Jackie, you have to get out of here!" He cried urgently. "You're not a state alchemist, so Scar shouldn't follow you."

Now, you're thinking this is the part when I look Al straight in the eye, tell him that I'm not gonna leave him, and march over and kick Scar's butt, right?

Wrong. This is the time when I turn around and run as fast as I can, hyperventilating and mentally screaming like a girly-girl.

I spent no time arguing with Alphonse, and started out on a flat out sprit away from Scar, which, wasn't very fast, sadly. I had gotten no further than ten feet when a wall of stone shot out straight from the ground, causing me to jump a foot in the air in shock.

I whirled around, frantically searching for a way out. However, I instead found myself face to face with Scar. He reached for me with his right hand.

It was right then that my brain decided to go into panic mode.

" GEAWAYGETWAYGETWAY!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, failing my arms around and pushing myself as far away as possible.

Al came to my rescue though. "She's not a state alchemist Scar, leave her alone!" He cried defiantly. A second wall of stone rose, separating me from Scar.

I dashed out in between the walls, and ran towards the nearest building. I flattened myself against the wall and tried to get as far away from the battle as possible. It seemed to be about fifty-fifty, with Ed and Al holding their own, but with Scar destroying anything that they threw at him. Little Miss Sliver Rose Alchemist, however, was nowhere to be seen.

All of a sudden, the battle turned. Al slipped, and half of his armor was blown to pieces. My breath caught in my chest for a second, until I saw that it was the bottom half that was destroyed. Ed, distracted, called out to Al, and Scar used his distraction attack Ed. Ed was able to deflect the punch with his arm, but most of his auto-mail got destroyed in the process.

Ed went down, clutching his arm, I didn't know where this was in the series, but Ed and Al weren't completely surprised but Scar coming, so maybe they had faced him before. And if they had… then no flame alchemist was coming to save them. Scar reached for Ed.

Suddenly, a purple-high heeled boot shot out from nowhere and caught Scar in the stomach, sending him reeling back. I heard two hands clap together, and two swords rose from the ground. A gold-gloved hand picked them up.

_Of course_ Mary had come to save the day. _Of course_ she arrived at the last second. _Of course_ she stood in front of Ed, looking defiant and cool. Cause how incredibly awesome and Kawaii is that!

I have this thing about Mary-Sues.

Aurora charged toward Scar, and then she became a blur, flipping and dodging each and every one of Scar's attacks. Finally Scar went down, unconscious.

Aurora ran over to Ed. "Are you alright?" She asked, looking at him with concern. I ran over as well, once I had determined that it was safe to come out.

"Yeah, I'm fine." He said. "My auto-mail is trashed thought."

Aurora smiled. "I can fix that." She placed her palms together and then laid them on Ed's auto-mail port. Suddenly all the broken pieces of Ed's auto-mail glowed blue, and rose from the ground. There was a click as all the pieces snapped back into place.

Ed looked at her. "How… did you do that?"

She shrugged nonchalantly. "I just have to concentrate on the pieces of the auto, and then think about where I want them to go."

"Oh. I guess I never thought about doing that."

So I guess he just never thought about fixing his auto-mail himself, and that it hadn't occurred to him when Scar smashed it the first time, or when he broke it at lab five, and now that he has this in his head he doesn't need Winry, he can just fix it himself!

I go on these rants a lot.

Ed fixed Al, and then turned towards me. "Where were you?" He demanded. "Decided to go chicken out on us huh?"

"Brother!" Al cried. "That's not nice."

He simply looked at Al, and then turned away. "Let's just get to our train."

Glad to know I'm oh-so appreciated!


	7. Chapter 7

**Hey guys! Sorry if this chapter seems a little rushed, but it had to be. My little bro's birthday is tomorrow, and I don't have a present! ********. Yes I'm a bad big sister, I know.**

**On a side note, you reviewers are violent! Zilo Sugarpill wants to pick up a chair and throw it at Aurora AND put a frying pan to her face. Cinnamon H3art swore that if she messes around with Royai, she will jump in to the land of fanfiction and murder Aurora. I think Kallyso had the best threat though. She said that she wanted to shoot Aurora. She then changed her mind and then decided that she wanted to mutilate her body with a blunt letter opener and burn the remains. O-O.**

**If you think she's bad now… just wait. ****MWA-HA-HA-HA-HA!**

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We made it onto the train to Nural with minutes to spare. I stooped over in the hallway, doubled over and panting for breath. I'm not the greatest athlete around…

"Miss Jackie?" Al called. He stood waiting for me at the end of the hall. I straightened up and followed him.

A few minutes later, I was sitting on a bench in the train, looking outside at the sun. "That's a pretty sunset." I commented to Al, who had been deserted by Ed and Aurora when they went to read alchemy books together.

"Yes. Do you like them?"

"Not really, but my friend Rachel does." I answered. "She's always going on about "the beauty of nature" or some other crap like that. She's my best friend though."

"Where is she now?"

I stopped smiling. "Back home." I answered, in a strict monotone. I was missing her already.

Thankfully Al didn't notice my change in expression. "Do you have a lot of friends back there?" He asked.

"Not really." I replied. "I've always been too reserved to have a lot of friends. I don't really like the spotlight. I remember," I said, laughing, " , that my parents always had a hard time with birthday parties for me when I was little, because I had about two friends, and that was it."

Al laughed, and then silence reigned in the room. To break the ice, I asked, "Al… who is the Silver Rose alchemist?" I had to find out if I had somehow brought her into this world.

"I don't know." He answered. "I would think that brother and I would have heard about her before, being the youngest state alchemist after brother. But I've never heard of her." He frowned, or as much as he could frown in a suit of armor. "I wonder why."

I however, knew exactly why. Somehow, I had brought Aurora to life when the lightning struck me. Maybe… oh crap, the transmutation circle! I had drawn it on the same piece of paper that I drew the profile for Aurora! And now…

Al brought me back to the real world. "Um... Miss Jackie, if you don't mind me asking… why are you looking for the stone?"

CRAP! I didn't think of a lie to that one! What do I do?! What do I do?! I could… I could blow Al off... but he's too sweet! Um…

"Well…" I started, "Um, I have to... it's for me-medical purposes! Uh, yeah! I have to use it to-to fix the flu that's been going around my town!" That's it girl, lie like the wind!

"Oh. Which town do you come from?"

"Uh… Resem…cen..liore? Yeah, uh, Resemcenliore!"

It was impossible for me to tell whether Al was convinced or not, in his armor. He didn't ask again though. We chatted for a few more minutes, and then I grew sleepy, and my eyelids shut of their own.


End file.
